Eminem and Crazy Chicken

The other day, I was coming home from work, and I was feeling a little grumpy. I had my husband's car, so I decided to take advantage of his incredible sound system to help cheer myself up on the way home. I put on an Eminem CD. Now that's not what I listen to normally, but when I'm in a bad mood, he cheers me up. His cuss filled rants make me giggle. I know that's probably not what he had planned, but I can't help it. I know that no matter how mad I get, I'll never be Eminem mad.

When I got on the freeway, I turned the music up so loud that the rear view mirror was vibrating, and my heartbeat actually changed to match the beat. I was giggling and bopping along to Eminem's potty mouth lyrics when the blue tooth interrupted with a phone call from my hubby, cutting the music off. I told him he interrupted my concert, but he was on a mission. He was really angry and had a cuss filled rant of his own ready. Apparently, some truck driver had almost crushed him on his way home from work, and he wanted to give me the exact details filled with some colorful wording.

I had worked later than I had planned, so I had decided to stop by Pollo Loco on the way home to pick up some food for the family. I figured the call would be over by then, but Hubby was still ranting on and on about the truck driver. His anger was still in full force when I pulled off the freeway and made my way to the drive through at Pollo Loco. I thought that he would be finished cussing by the time I got to the speaker to order, but I was wrong. I started trying to cut in as I inched closer to order. It went something like this...

         

Me: "Honey"

Hubby: "Bleeping bleep truck driver was looking at his bleeping phone. Bleeping look where you're driving in your bleeping bleepity bleep 18 bleeping wheeler, you bleeper!!"

Me: "Honey I'm trying to order food. You have to stop. Honey. Honey!!"

Pollo Loco lady: "Welcome to Pollo Loco. Can I take your order?"

Me: "STOP TALKING!"

Pollo Loco lady: "I'm sorry. Just order when you're ready."

Me: "Not you Pollo Loco lady. My husband."

Hubby: "Who are you talking to?"

Me: "I'm trying to order dinner. Stop talking for a minute."

I was able to order my food and decided to apologize again to Pollo Loco lady when I got around to the window for my husband's sailor mouth and for her thinking I told her to stop talking. As I explained the situation to my hubby on the phone, he thought it was hysterical that he had embarrassed me. That only lasted for a few minutes though before he went back to cussing about the truck driver.

As I was pulling up to the window, I started trying to interrupt his monologue again when the phone started to cut out. Really, I couldn't have planned it better. The call dropped right as I reached the window (although hubby swears I hung up on him).

I heaved a sigh of relief when the call dropped just as I reached the window. I opened my mouth to apologize to Pollo Loco lady as she opened the window with an awkward smile. Unfortunately, I forgot one small detail. Now that the blue tooth call had dropped, the stereo kicked back in. Eminem returned full blast in up close concert volume. It was so loud without the road noise that my first response was to cover my ears instead of hitting the volume. The part of the song that was playing was full of particularly nasty words that I'm sure could be heard throughout the entire restaurant, while setting off every car alarm within one square mile.

I quickly recovered and nearly snapped off a finger trying to adjust the volume. Because hubby's sound system is so sensitive, you have to turn the knob about 200 times to actually get the volume to change significantly.

By the time I got Eminem under control, my face was beat red, and I didn't even want to look at Pollo Loco lady. But I had to get my food, so I glanced around. She looked every bit as shocked as I had imagined along with every single person working in the kitchen. They were all staring at me with the exact same look on their faces. I'm glad I couldn't see the people sitting inside eating and made a mental note not to look in the windows on my way past.

Neither one of us spoke as I paid and collected my food. I think I finally squeaked out a pathetic "Thank you," and rode home in silence. On the upside, when I told hubby what had happened, he was laughing so hard he forgot all about the bleeping trucker.

Fast Metabolism Diet - A Review

Having struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember, I have tried more diets, pills and weight loss gimmicks than I can shake a stick at. Nothing has worked long term. Over the years, I have probably gained and lost enough weight to make up an entire NFL football team.

As far as weird diets go, if you've heard of it, I've probably tried it at some point. The problem is, it's always a short term solution for me. In my mind, once I lost the weight, I could go back to how I was before, always promising myself I wouldn't gain the weight back.

After having my two kids by cesarean and my mother's cancer diagnosis, I ballooned up to the heaviest I had ever been. When I realized I was going to have to go shopping for clothes in a size I never imagined wearing, I decided to go low carb. And that worked for awhile, but as with all diets, I slowly drifted back to my old habits, and the weight began creeping back up. I have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), so I have to eat every few hours which doesn't help.

Last fall, I joined a gym, but I still needed to do something about my diet. I decided to be more aggressive about my exercise and started the InsanityWorkout (follow up blogs one and two). I really started to get in shape, but I wasn't really losing weight. I needed to start eating healthier, so I started making little changes, but nothing seemed to work.

I happened to run across this book called The Fast Metabolism Diet: Eat More Foodand Lose Weight  by Haylie Pomroy. Of course I was immediately skeptical having been on a million of these diets, but she made a good case for the damage done to a person's metabolism from chronic dieting. So, I bought a used copy and thought I would check it out.

I liked that she based her findings on scientific research and what we know about how metabolisms work. Long term, low calorie diets can actually cause your body to think it's starving, and it will pack away everything you eat as fat even when you go back to eating more calories. It can permanently change your metabolism. Made sense.

She claims that you can lose 20 pounds in 28 days. Lots of diets make those claims, so I decided to try it more for the healthy aspect and not so much for that claim. The diet itself is packed with protein, whole grains, veggies, fruit, and healthy fats. There are three phases during the week, but the rotation is easy enough to follow after the second week. The best part, is she claimed that it could be adapted to be a lifestyle change that would keep your metabolism burning, so that even if you cheat, your metabolism will burn the extra calories and not store them as fat.

The results? I was shocked. I lost 5 pounds the first week, which isn't unusual for a new diet. The difference is that I felt really good physically. I have to eat 5 times a day (6 if I am up longer) which is great for my hypoglycemia. I wasn't hungry. I have no headaches, no shakes, no stomach aches, no energy crashes, and I feel better when I exercise.

Despite all of that, I really struggled the second week, and I blew it. I cheated...a lot. The third week, I had several lunch meetings with people, but I tried to stick to it the rest of the time. My weight fluctuated...a lot.

But I'm trying to see this as a lifestyle change, so I had to find what would work for me. I have finally found a good balance. I was giving myself a cheater day on Saturdays, so I went back to that which has cut down my cheating during the week. She's a little wacko about chemicals which is fine. She insists on no caffeine and soda, but I went back to drinking coffee and diet soda. For convenience sake, I made some of the recipes ahead of time and put them in the freezer. They tasted great!

This week, I have been sticking to it. I had my cheater day on Saturday, and I even went out to dinner with my hubby for our anniversary on Wednesday, and I still lost another 4 pounds this week. I'm starting to feel like I've found something I can stick to that is good for my body. Today, I bought the Fast Metabolism Diet Cookbook and pre-ordered the new one that is coming out in December.