Monday, April 30, 2012

Lucky Seven Tag!


When I got back from vacation earlier this month, I was totally surprised to find out that I had been tagged by the very talented Lisa McFerren (@Lisas_alter_ego). It’s called the “lucky seven” tag. Check out Lisa’s lucky seven tag blog here.

So here are the rules: Open the document for your current MS/WIP (manuscript or work-in-progress) and go to page 7 or 77. Go to line 7 and copy the next 7 lines (sentences or paragraphs) and post them exactly as they are written. No changing or cheating! Then tag 7 authors and let them know.

I am currently working on the second book in my Dion series. I’ll admit I checked both page 7 and 77. I liked the lines from page 7 better, so without further ado, I give you the 7 lines from page 7 starting at line 7 from “Where Will You Hide?”


Where are you going my lovelies?” She purred.

Reinn stood in front of the children and raised his sword.

She looked at him and cocked her head to the side.

“Do you really think you can stop me Viking? All your men are dead, and you will soon join them.”

Reinn heard the children start to whimper and cry.

He felt his nephew move closer and put a little arm around his leg.


So now for the fun part, I get to get 7 other amazing writers. Can’t wait to see what they have to share!


@GeminiWitching    


@AuthorCAKunz      




@danceauthor    


@SmithEClaire     




Saturday, April 14, 2012

Blog Tour: Interview with Ian Murphy from Chael's Luck by Mireille Chester

            Welcome to this stop in the blog tour for Chael’s Luck by the amazing Mireille Chester (see links at the end of the interview). As with the other stops on the tour, I will be giving away a free ebook of Chael’s Luck. It’s easy to enter, just leave your name and email address in the comments section at the bottom. If you don’t win, don’t worry. Everyone who doesn’t win an ebook will be entered into a larger giveaway at the end of the blog tour. There will be more ebooks and swag packages!! So don’t miss out!

            I am very excited! Today I have a special guest from Chael’s Luck. After reading it, I fell in love with Ian Murphy, and Mireille was kind enough to arrange an interview. I’d like to welcome Ian to my blog today. He has been gracious enough to take some time out of the busy blog tour schedule to sit down and talk with me.

Me: Thank you for coming Ian.

Ian: Thank you for having me Michelle.

Me: How is the blog tour going?

Ian: It’s going great. Quite a few of us have been interviewed, which is sort of mind blowing…I mean, it’s kind of hard to believe that anyone would be so interested in our story. It’s very exciting.

Me: Well I am very interested in learning more about your story. Tell me a little more about your childhood. We see you as an adult, and I was curious about your training to become a knight. Was it similar to what we see with Chael and the others?

Ian: I supposed my childhood was fairly typical. I have two brothers, both older than me. Because our father is a Knight of Dorathan, we have the privilege of becoming Knights as well. It’s tradition. If you are born to a family of Knights, you become one also. Training to become a knight is a grueling process. We learned to fight with swords, staffs, bows and arrow. We also had to prove we were adept horsemen. As to whether or not my training compared to Chael’s or the rest of the lads, I’d have to say yes. Where some of the training differed was if someone was training to be a Shadow Knight. Shadows are the elite of the Knights. They do most of the special runs and are asked to brave the more dangerous missions. I was training to be a Shadow, just as Chael was.

Me: You have two brothers? Do they look like you? Uh, I mean, you gave all of that up for moral reasons. That must have been difficult.

Ian: Actually, we do all sort of look the same. We all look like my father; you know, the dark blonde hair and the grey eyes. As for why I gave up the Knighthood, yes. It was hard to simply walk away from something I had spend thirteen years of my life training for. I’d been picked to take the Shadow Knight’s challenge, which is one of the greatest honors for a Knight. However, after witnessing the unfairness I had, I simply couldn’t go through with it. How was it possible that an organization such as this could punish a starving child for trying to feed himself? I couldn’t go through with it. For as much as it tore me apart, for as much as it hurt my family, I just couldn’t. I had to walk away.

Me: Yes, your family didn’t take it very well, especially your father. That must have been very painful for you.

Ian: It was. I remember how he looked the day they announced the candidates for the Shadow Knights; he was so proud. When I walked away from the tournament, he was crushed. In a way, I don’t blame him for disowning me. And yet, somehow, I thought he might understand. He always preached about honor and fairness…I’m not sure how to explain how I felt when he told me I was no longer a part of the family. That’s why I left. It was the best way for everyone.

Me: You look sad. Do you need a hug? I don’t mind at all.

Ian: I can always use a hug. Especially from a beautiful woman. <grins> Your husband won’t mind?

Me: <blushing> You’re a charmer Mr. Murphy. I bet you are a big hit with the ladies.

Ian: I honestly wouldn’t know. I’ve been living in the woods for five years, you know.

Me: Handsome and humble. You’re very talented too. You know how to take care of wounds and even cook.

Ian: <laughing> Wounds I can take care of. If you’re looking for burnt bacon, I can do that also.

Me: I like burnt bacon <winks> and you chop wood.

Ian: Yes, well, I will admit I can chop some mean firewood. <flashes crooked grin>

Me: I love to watch a man chop wood. <sigh> Ok, let’s take a break and have some fun.

Ian: Sounds good.

Me: There are some pretty amazing characters in Chael’s Luck. In an epic battle between a wood elf, a goblin, a flame spirit, and a barbarian who would you put your money on?

Ian: Flame spirit. They have no mercy and as far as I know, nothing can kill them. Also, anything they touch burns…not much can survive that.

Me: What’s your idea of a perfect date?

Ian: My perfect date would involve a moonlit ride through the desert. There is nothing quiet as peaceful and breathtaking as the sand blanketed in the silver of light of the full moon. I’d make sure we were close to the Wood Elves’ sea as well. A warm blanket to sit on and a flask of ale. Yes, I do believe that would be perfect.

Me: YES! <clears throat> I mean that sounds wonderful. On a more personal level…boxers or briefs?

Ian: Ummm…well, neither. I’m out in the woods most of the time. It’s just simpler to have less clothes to wash, really.

Me: <stare, blink, blink, blush> I’m only asking for the female fans out there of course.

Ian: Of course. <grins>

Me: Not that I’m curious or anything.

Ian: Really? Because I have to say, you’re a tad bit flush at the moment…

Me: Uh, well, that’s all the time we have. Ian, thanks again for stopping by. You did get my text right? So you have my number. Keep that between us. I don’t want Mireille to get jealous.

Ian: <laughs> It’s our little secret. Of course, you never know…Mireille might be willing to share. You’ll have to ask her yourself, yeah?

Me: I just might do that <laugh>

My gratitude to Ian Murphy for stopping by and to Mireille for setting up the interview and for “sharing” Ian with me. He cooks, makes coffee and chops wood and looks damn good doing it. If you would like to learn more about Ian, pick up a copy of Chael’s Luck. It’s available on Amazon and Smashwords. Keep in touch with Mireille Chester at her blog, on Facebook, and Twitter @MireilleChester.

Be sure to stop by the other stops on the Blog Tour Schedule

April 10- My Book Chatter
April 13- A Page Away
April 16- Read2Review

Friday, March 23, 2012

Is Free the New Black?

          Everyone loves a bargain. I’m no exception. As I’ve said before, I am trying hard to buy indie books and support my fellow writers. I believe in putting my money where my mouth is, and indie prices are definitely better than traditionally published books that are oftentimes priced the same as the paperback versions. I’ll admit, lately I’ve been filling my reader up with the free books I’ve seen on Facebook and Twitter. Sites like ENT, Pixel of Ink, and even Amazon have daily listings of free books and they have thousandsof followers. If there are so many free books available, why should readers pay?

            My husband always says things are only worth what people are willing to pay for them. Authors put so much time and energy into their books (not to mention input from editors, cover artists, beta readers, reviewers, etc.). Shouldn’t they be compensated? I know I want people to buy my book. I love writing, but do I want to keep putting books out without the prospect of getting some royalties in return. I don’t love writing that much.

            I have read a lot of blogs recently debating this very subject and indie ebook pricing in general. There are two camps. There are those who believe that offering your book for free (at least temporarily) is a great way to get your book into the hands of readers and will ideally create some buzz including climbing the all powerful Amazon rankings with the hope that it will stimulate future sales. In talking to authors, the success of this strategy is not consistent. For some authors, it was the just the push they needed and their book sales have continued to increase after the free promotion. For other authors, they saw a spike in sales and then a drop off back to pre-promo levels. One author who had his book up for free for several days had a shout out from ENT and got 7000 downloads. Ok, so that’s a great way to get his book out there, but the business side of me thinks at $2.00 a pop in royalties, that’s $14,000.00 lost! Granted, he wasn’t getting 7000 downloads before that, but I’m a business person at heart and that just hurts.

            The second camp thinks that free ebooks are hurting authors; that readers are going to get used to getting books for free and stick with those or wait for author promos to pick them up. Authors have a right to be compensated for the time and effort they put into a book. For some, it’s a full time job. It’s how they make a living. I have a terrible confession. I have a traditionally published author I love. When her latest book came out, I went to buy it and saw that it was priced as high as the paperback, so I didn’t get it. A few weeks later, I saw a promo by the author for that same book, and I bought it for less than 1/3 of the original price. I did it. I refused to pay full price for an author’s work and was able to get it much cheaper. The people in this camp also think that how you price your book says something about the content. If you offer your book for free or $0.99 that’s all it’s worth inside. How do you determine the value or worth of someone’s creative process?

            As usual, I have more questions than answers. My books fall in the paranormal romance genre which is brutal. I have complained several times here on my blog about trying to get noticed in a genre that is not only flooded with indie writers, but has a long list of awesome traditionally published authors as well. How can I get my book noticed in an ocean of books in this genre? I have my book priced at $2.99 so now I’m also in competition with free and $0.99 books. If all goes well, I will be publishing my second book this June. It is the next book in my series, so the question comes up – should I offer my first book for free temporarily? As a marketing strategy, it makes sense for books in a series. If I list my first book for free for a short time and generate enough interest, hopefully they will come back and pay for the second.

            Would love to hear what you think on the subject or what the results have been if you offered your book for free. Thanks for stopping by!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Interview with John Kenworthy - The Missionary and the Brute

            I am very excited to announce my first ever interview. John Kenworthy who co-wrote my favorite animation book, The Hand Behind the Mouse: an intimate biography of Ub Iwerks (get it here) and also Bungee Jumping & Cocoons (get it here) was kind enough to grant me an interview on his blog tour for his latest release, The Missionary and the Brute (see links after the interview).


In Tanzania, East Africa the most dangerous predator walks on two legs. In a land where death is a constant, a serial killer is on the loose. The authorities believe the Missionary Jadwin Ross to be that beast. Even he is not sure if anyone is truly innocent – least of all himself…


Set in modern Africa, THE MISSIONARY AND THE BRUTE is a literary novel that follows the twisted path of the Missionary’s recollections through the past three – or was if four? – days as he nurses a concussion in a Tanzanian jail cell after having been beaten by the guards who brought him in. Constantly professing his innocence, memories return to Ross in ever-clarifying flashes. Colobus monkey howls. A stalking hyena. A machete stuck in a stump. He recalls with haunting disbelief a stream of army ants dragging what appears to be a human ear across a mountain trail and wonders what sort of beast would kill such as this.

He prays it is not him.

It is my pleasure to introduce to you, Mr. John Kenworthy.

1.    In your book, The Missionary and the Brute, the main character Jadwin Ross believes in the duality of human nature. He struggles with his own feelings of good and evil throughout the book. Is that your belief as well – that humans are simultaneously sinners and saints?

I do. We aspire to be good people, but I believe we are by nature fatally flawed. Literally. The natural instincts for self-preservation – and species preservation often run counter to our moral code. Not to go theological on you, but Martin Luther referred to this duality as “Simul iustus et peccator” or simultaneously saints and sinners. He felt that scripturally there was evidence that we as frail human beings could not help but fall again and again. As much as we might desire sainthood, we sure didn’t deserve it. And furthermore and even more importantly – we were granted God’s love anyway. There was absolutely nothing scripture-based that showed we could ever truly ‘win’ that love, but it was given to us as a gift.

Grace.

In literature one of my literary heroes is Frank Norris who expanded on that duality in his novels. In McTeague, the main character is constantly torn between civility and animal instinct. Time and again he faces those challenges as do we all. In “The Missionary and the Brute” that question is put to the test. There are many situations that pit that inner voice of goodness (the Missionary) versus what comes naturally (the Brute). It is how the characters traverse that thin line – or don’t – that enlivens the plotline and thrusts the story forward.

For me, this is a huge, multi-layered theme and it pervades every chapter before being resolved (in my mind at least though I know others may react differently) at the thrilling conclusion.



2.    Godsend is an interesting character. She is a ray of light in all of the darkness around her. What does she represent to you in the story?



Godsend is one of those ethereal characters that you don’t really know what to make of. I wanted her to be a symbol of the goodness and hope that is the Tanzania I know from my work as Executive Director of Brick by Brick for Tanzania!, Inc. So much of the book is extremely intense and dark, and yet she remains this little pure light amidst it all.

It is no act of blithe fortuity that we see her as one of the first Tanzanians outside of the airport and is one of the final ones we see as Jadwin prepares to leave. She is in many ways like Beatrice of Dante’s “Il Purgatorio” – a figure of pure goodness that pops in and out and propels the narrative forth bathing all she encounters with her radiant spiritual light. 

Sometimes you envision characters in  your own writing that totally transcend the fantasy. Godsend is definitely one for me. I knew when I wrote her role in the funeral of the baby scene that it was a singular moment of transcendent goodness. That little scene was imbued with such distinct poignancy and gentle intensity that I myself still get a little choked up reading those passages.

And I’m the one who wrote it!

For as much as I used her as a symbol of hope and light, I also based her character on so many young girls I encounter upon my journeys. With names like Gladness, Godsblessing, and Vickie – there is an innocent joy to so many beautiful children and I hope that I captured that in Godsend.



3.    In one of the groups I am in on Facebook, an author brought up the idea of research versus experience. The authors were debating whether or not a writer could capture the essence of a place he/she had never visited and had only researched. Do you think you would have been able to write a book like The Missionary and the Brute if you had never been to Africa and specifically Tanzania?

I once had a professor at college who threw out a manuscript I was working on because it was set in New York City and I had never been there. I was devastated. I thought I was writing a gritty street drama with really intensely realized characters. Years later I came to understand that while the characterization was rich and full, the setting did not truly play into any sort of real life New York experience. It wasn’t a caricature so much as it simply didn’t add any resonance of setting. It was my vision of a large urban city with no intricacies of detail. It wasn’t even wrong, per se but it wasn’t realized as part of the fabric of my life enough to enhance the storytelling.

That being said, storytellers all the time create fantasy worlds to which no one has ever traveled. I’m fairly certain that George Lucas had never truly traveled to Dagobah – or at least not often. But it was a fully realized fantasy from his imagination. So I guess for some writing, it’s not really a hard and fast rule for me. In general I think though that it is indeed important for most novels set in a contemporary naturalistic environment to have a modicum of research and familiarity of place before even beginning to put pen to paper.

In “The Missionary and the Brute” I placed the story in the Tanzania, East Africa that I know and love. You will note that the characters in the book did not travel to Dar es Salaam or Zanzibar or any of the areas that I have not gone. I don’t know those cultural details as well as I do the poverty-stricken rural regions around the mountains. This familiarity has kept me from making too many glaring faux pas’ in the manuscript.

But for me, research is not merely about weeding out anachronisms, but actually serving a higher purpose as well. The setting itself can provide the myriad nuances that help reveal character. I have experienced the guttural cries of Colobus monkeys many times on my treks through the banana-tree lined foothills of Mt. Meru. I knew that if I had my characters walking on similar trails that they might encounter that same chillingly mournful sound. From there, my imagination leaped forth and took my own initially fearful reactions to those sounds and let them come alive within my characters. This provided not only a sense of observed naturalism but also helped to build some menace into the scenes as well as subtly building some structured symmetry to some of the important events of my story.

(Fun trivial fact as you read my book – notice how and when the various wildlife appear in “The Missionary and the Brute” and what occurs chronologically at that self-same moment. It is not coincidental.)



4.    What is your ideal writing environment? For example, do you listen to music; write at a particular time of day; have a preferred place to write; a favorite drink; etc.?

My writing environment can be quite varied actually. My only steadfast requirement is a need for an almost absolute lack of distraction – no conversation, no television, no internet. All the rest can be negotiable with myself. That being said, it is often that I find late nights work by far the best for me. I wrote “The Hand Behind the Mouse” almost entirely after 11 pm at night. So too did I write all of the scripts I did for a Danish animation studio – which actually worked wonderfully for another reason. I’d submit my beloved pages to the producers when I went to bed and when I awoke in the morning I had  a message awaiting me telling me that they liked this, they didn’t like that, and please more fart jokes.

As to music, I will tend to put on a set of headphones and listen to CDs played through the computer. Mostly I gravitate toward sounds that won’t put me to sleep but won’t make me want to dance either. I don’t really do too much classical but music that evokes an emotional memory or has nice melody tends to work. I have gone through various phases - Waterboys, Tom Petty, Enya, Out of Africa Soundtrack, Miles Davis, Aaron Copland, the Pogues, Lucinda Williams, Gram Parsons… each has a distinct place in the background of my mind while writing my various books. None has directly informed the scenes I was working on at the time as far as I can tell, but I’m sure rhythmically they must have some influence on cadence and pacing.

I don’t tend to eat or drink while working. Lots of coffee maybe if I write early in the morning. Maybe some tea in the cold Wisconsin nights. Pretty much, my consumption is not of interest to me at the point of writing. I am too obsessed with maintaining that rapid flow of words that happens when all the elements converge on the confluence of my mind.



5.    Ok, you know I am a big animation fan, so I have to ask at least one animation question. You co-wrote The Hand Behind the Mouse: an intimate biography of Ub Iwerks and you have interviewed many of the world’s greatest animators. Are there any great stories that didn’t make it into the book?

As with any non-fiction project of this scope, there is always so much more than can be used for one reason or another. I interviewed over 250 animators, directors, artists, actors, historians – each one talked at length about what they knew of Ub Iwerks and his studio. Not every story could be used.

Sometimes it’s not even stories that are omitted, but emphasis. I sourced the bankruptcy documents from Ub and Walt Disney’s first studio in Kansas City. Contained in the pages upon pages of text were descriptions of the assets of the fallen studio. In the inventory were listed two distinctly separate line items – one for the cartoon, “Jack and the Beanstalk” (which historians knew about) and another for “Jack the Giant Killer” (which they didn’t).

The two fables are actually quite different tales coming from culturally distinct sources (most of us know Jack the Giant Killer as “The Brave Tailor”). To this point, most historians had assumed they were the same film, but it was clear from the documents that these were two separate entities. This was a major discovery for animation but you can’t really stop in the middle of a chapter and point your finger at yourself screaming – “Hey, I found this! This is new!!!” So it slides by in context and is thus downplayed historically.

Some peripheral tales were simply not pertinent to our story. One of these was Ollie Johnston bemoaning that the new ‘improved’ color palette on the new video releases of the Disney Classics were not like the originals. He was most disturbed about “Snow White” using what he referred to as a “Beauty and the Beast” palette. There was no purple in Snow White! Interesting, but it wasn’t part of our story.

Some other stories were sequestered because of family politics. There was one engineer who told some great stories but I had to excise almost all of them from the book. It was a shame. He was a great guy. Just the wrong guy.  

Other times that familial sensitivity arose around seeming innocuous but fun stories. Chuck Jones, the great Warner Brothers director worked at the Iwerks Studio in the 1930s and told me a lot of great stuff, but one story in particular got cut from the final edit of the book. He was talking about how animation during that era was a fairly fluid, unstable industry. The character they were doing at the time, Flip the Frog, had gone through several iterations during his three year career and was only mildly successful regardless of what design was used. It’s important to note that to be even mildly successful during the Great Depression was a great thing, but the Studio wanted more. So they started designing new characters and concepts. One evening the animators all gathered at one of their apartments and were having a grand time of it.

Chuck recalled how there was a ceramic statuette of Flip the Frog upon the mantelpiece and that when a large earthquake rumbled through the region it appeared as if Flip was walking across the fireplace top. He vibrated precariously toward the edge as the animators watched, drink in hand. With one final desperate plunge, the statue of Flip tumbled off the edge and shattered into pieces. For the animators in attendance, they joked that Flip had committed suicide and took that to be a symbol of his imminent demise.

It was a cute and harmless story that would have served well as the ending of the chapter on Flip the Frog, but it was decided that a cartoon character committing suicide was too edgy for the book and was edited down.

I would like to thank John for giving me the opportunity to participate in his blog tour. For information on the other stops on the tour, please see John Kenworthy’s blog.
You can pick up your copy of The Missionary and the Brute at:
Amazon (paperback)
Amazon (ebook)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Second Book Blues

            After publishing my first book, I was eager to get started on book two. I had promoted the first book as number one in a series, and planned on getting the second book out in less than 6 months. That didn’t happen.


I already had an idea and even some chapters written so what was the problem? I tried chatting with other authors hoping to find some inspiration, but talking with other writers is like a double edged sword. On one hand, it is nice to be able to chat with like-minded people and not feel like I am going crazy. On the other hand, it is like a knife to the heart when they are posting their latest word count or next release date on Facebook and Twitter making me feel like I am falling farther and farther behind. How long can I milk the first book and keep readers interested before they move on?


One thing I did learn from other authors is that I am not alone in experiencing the Second Book Blues. I have talked to several writers after reading their first books only to have them say that they hope their next book doesn’t “disappoint.” I can definitely identify with that feeling.


I was excited at first when people would read my book and immediately ask me when the second book was coming out. I loved to hear that, but as time wore on, I came to dread that question because I didn’t have an answer. I was stalled on my second book and couldn’t seem to make any progress.


When I first started writing, I had an idea for two separate books. I thought it would be nice if I could somehow connect them and create a series, but I didn’t know how to connect them. About halfway through “Where Will You Run?”, I found a way to make it work. I finished the first book and figured the second book would practically write itself. Not only did it not write itself, I couldn’t write it either.


What I failed to recognize was the fact that I had been stuck in a similar position at the end of the first book. It took me months to write the end of it. I didn’t know why. I knew how the book was going to end; but for the life of me, I couldn’t write it. I was so frustrated. I talked to my Honey about it describing the ending, and he said that it was missing the “wow” factor. He was absolutely right. The reason I couldn’t write the end was because I hated it. When I figured that out and let go of the idea I had originally, I was able to finish the book in four days. Four ugly days of writing 12-14 hours in my pajamas with little to eat or drink, but I couldn’t get it out fast enough once I knew it was right.


Flash forward to late last week. I was lamenting over my problems writing the original plotline part for book two. I couldn’t make it work. There were too many holes; too many questions. I had been stuck for months. Duh. I finally realized that I hated that part of the plot. I needed that additional material when it was a stand alone book, but I didn’t need it as part of the series.


So why did I hang on to that plotline so tightly? I had already written several chapters following that story, and I couldn’t stomach scrapping all of it and starting over. Ugh. But scrap it I did and it was the best decision ever! I have started writing again and it is effortless. Now I know. If I hate it, I can’t write it. I just have to keep that in mind for future projects, so I don’t waste time pondering over my inability to write something I don’t want to.


I guess my point is, don’t be afraid to take chances if something isn’t working out, even if you have already spent a lot of time on it. Don’t hold on to something that is keeping your story from moving forward. No writing is ever wasted because you can always learn something whether it is new information about a character or just good writing practice. Thanks for stopping by and happy writing!!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Awkward Moments Revisited

I was listening to a hilarious podcast from my Twitter friends Dionne and Amber (@TweepNation1) sharing some of their embarrassing moments (listen to their podcasts here). It was so funny; I thought I would share a couple of my own experiences.


A few years ago, I was working in the Psychology Department of a local university. We were providing behavioral services to mental health clients through a county funded program. Every month, one of us had to attend a large meeting at the county mental health department to discuss progress and services. There were about 30 to 40 professionals including psychiatrists, therapists, nurses, social workers, administrators, etc. We were the only outside contracted service invited to attend. One month when I went as the university representative, they had two people from the State Department of Rehabilitation giving a presentation across the table from me. Afterwards, they asked if they could leave since they were not involved in the other meeting issues, and the director agreed. One man got up and pushed in his chair. The other man got up and dropped down to almost eye level with the table. Thinking he fell, I said “Whoa!” and jumped out of my chair leaning across the table with my arms out like I could catch him. Apparently, I was the only one in the room who didn’t know he was a dwarf. Everyone else was sitting down calmly. They all turned and looked at me in shock. I sat quietly back in my seat turning a beautiful shade of red. Awkward. Dwarf guy glared at me over the table like he wanted to kick my shins. I bit back my sarcastic comments; afraid those PC loving freaks would send me to sensitivity training. Again.




Not long after my Honey and I got married, we decided to go to the Oakland Zoo. Oakland can be scary, but they have a beautiful zoo nestled in the coastal mountains. We invited my brother to go and decided to make a day of it. On our way to the reptile area, we saw an African American man with his back to us sketching something on a large pad. My brother is very artistic and wanted to see what the man was sketching. As we approached, I was so focused on watching him work that I didn’t actually look at him until we were all right next to him. When I glanced up at him, he looked like he had been hit in the face with a shotgun blast full of bone fragments. I’m guessing it was probably African tribal piercings; but in my defense, it was unusual even by California standards. For some reason, all the bones sticking out of his face completely startled me, and I reacted in a way that was unusual even for me. I wound up jumping back several feet and screaming like a girl. I ended up in front of him (in some defensive karate stance as I recall) with my brother and husband looking on in horror. Bone face looked pretty pissed off. He had been sketching the alligators, so I said “Man, that sketch is so lifelike it really scared me.” I don’t think he bought it. My brother and husband had a great time spending the rest of the day teasing me about it of course.
 


What are some of your most embarrassing moments? Feel free to leave a comment or write a blog about it and leave the link in the comments section. Hope I was able to give you a little giggle J

Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Hills Have Eyes

            This is the last installment of our nightmare trip to Disneyland. It is aptly titled “The Hills Have Eyes” A few years ago, I was unfortunate enough to watch the remake of the movie with that title. It was about some freaky mutant miners who pay a guy in town to send wayward travelers their way. Once lost out in nowhere land, the miners set a trap and blow out the tires of the poor hapless victims. Then they would taunt and kill them and take whatever valuables they had. So why make that the title of my blog? Here is the rest of the story…

            We finally packed up the Chugabug to head home after our less than stellar Disneyland trip. It wasn’t all bad. It is Disneyland after all. We set out that morning not looking forward to the long drive of hotter than Hell floorboard for me and swamp bog floor board for Shelbi. We had our towels all ready. Not to mention the on and off air conditioning depending on the temperature of the Chugabug, and vermin nest parts were still shooting out of the vents on occasion. Thankfully, we learned there was a warning whir sound before parts came out so we were able to adjust the vent and shoot the pieces in another direction; usually at each other for maximum entertainment.

            The hardest part of the journey was crossing over the “Grapevine” – a very long and nasty mountain pass that separates Northern and Southern California. We started out early; but by the time we survived Los Angeles traffic and reached the mountains, the temperature had already climbed into the 90’s. We crossed our fingers and started to climb. We passed Magic Mountain in Valencia and were making our way past the tiny town of Castaic when the Chugabug started to sputter. I knew we had gas, but it acted like it was running out, and we slowly coasted to the side of the road. I tried to start it several times, but it was dead. It was a few years ago, so we did not have cell phones.

            Here is where the Hills Have Eyes part comes in. We were on the side of the road for a very short time when a highway patrol officer pulls up and insists we go to Castaic. He refuses to leave us with our vehicle. He says he will take us to the Denny’s restaurant where we can call a tow truck. It was hot, so while at Denny’s waiting for the tow truck driver, we bought something to drink (cha-ching). The tow truck driver was stationed in Castaic, and we had to pay him to take us to the Castaic mechanic. He said he would have to keep the Chugabug overnight to see what was wrong. So now we had to get a hotel room and eat at more restaurants in Castaic. They were slowly bleeding us dry. The only thing missing was the mutant miners.

            I had to use a pay phone at McDonald’s to call my husband. He said it was vapor lock. Where the gas line gets so hot it turns the liquid gas to fumes before it reaches the engine. He said it would be fine when it cooled down. Too bad Mr. Mutant Miner Mechanic wouldn’t let us leave. I then used the payphone to try to call a rental car place. After 30 minutes in the black hole sun, $20.00 in change, and some choice curse words, I was finally able to get to a human at Enterprise Rent a Car before the phone cut off. We were able to rent a car right before they closed. You know, so we could get a hotel room and eat at restaurants while we were prisoners in Castaic.

            Sure enough, the next day, the mechanic tells us it was probably vapor lock. That meant that we couldn’t leave that morning because it would get too hot again and the same thing would happen. We had to stay in Castaic  all day again and contribute to more restaurants and gas for the rental car. Not to mention I couldn’t wait to tell my husband he was right because I just love to hear him say “I told you so.”

            We finally headed out that night (with road munchies from the Castaic store), so that we could drive when the weather had cooled off. Awesome. We might be home by midnight if we were lucky. At least we would be leaving Castaic and the mutant miners far behind even though they had robbed us of the few pennies Disneyland had left us. Sigh.

            Now whenever we travel to Southern California, we say a silent prayer when we hit the Grapevine that the mutant miners in Castaic will let us pass. However, if we do get stranded there, at least we know where to stay and where to get the best food. Happy travels and thanks for stopping by!