Friday, December 9, 2011

Banged-up Kiss - Guest Post by Maureen Hovermale @zencherry

I am absolutely overjoyed to announce my first guest post by Maureen Hovermale @zencherry! She is an amazingly generous and kind person who is deeply involved in the writing community. She has that cool ability to take an everyday moment and turn it into a magical story full of humor and wit. I love her blog, The Zen Corner. It's a great place to go when you need a smile. I was very excited when she agreed to do this guest post, so get your favorite beverage, get comfy, and enjoy :)

Banged-up Kiss

I was twelve-years-old and in the seventh grade when I decided that the really cute guy was worth being naughty about.

Oh but his bangs made his expressions sooo mysterious and I wondered secretly what it would feel like to ACTUALLY kiss a boy.

I imagined all sorts of things happening like the Harlequin Romance novel had in its pages. I'd managed to sneak one from my mom's stash one day and had it hidden in the darkest recesses of my closet in the safest place: Under the stinky tennis shoes.

He'd made goo goo eyes at me and I was astonished and thought he must have lost a contact lens or something. No one had ever looked my way since I carried my books like armor. He finagled my home phone number from my friend Theresa across the street and she came over after school gushing about the news. We exchanged paper dolls and had fun with some glitter talking about the love that would inevitably bloom. Theresa gave me some tips having already had a 'relationship' that went sour at camp the previous summer. I was thankful to have such a knowing, worldly friend and took her tips to pinky-swear heart.

After her mom called her home, I sat there backing. I couldn't believe it! He was going to call ME? I practiced holding an imaginary phone up to my ear and laughted in different octaves to see what sounded sincere and, (shh)

Every time the phone rang I raced to answer it and even got into a glare match with my older sister who deduced the reasoning behind my sudden athleticism. She declared that I was in a tree and was k-i-s-s-ing. I slammed my bedroom door shut and locked it. I took a deep breath and patted down my hedge-hair trying to calm myself. I had work to do! I put Theresa's advice into action and practiced my kisses up against the mirror, one eye peeking open to see if I looked like the glamorous movie stars. I even tried the hand test to see if my lips were too firm or too soft. I was ready. All except the tongue part but Theresa had assured me that tongues were never part of a first kiss and not to worry, only sixteen-year-olds went that far. I left my room and stuck my nose up in the air when my sister echoed her song after me.

"Hello, Maureen?"

I managed to grab the downstairs phone and tiptoed up the stairs snicking the door shut; locking it before my sister could figure out where I was at. I then went back down and sat on the bottom step. I tried not to pant from the exertion of racing around and calmly whispered in my most alto voice; "Yes...this is Maureen."

"Um yeah, well uh...I guess you know who this is."

"Well I don't know, I get so many calls in a day."

"Oh? Uh, you do? Well, Really?"

(So much for being coy) "No, I'm just playing. OF COURSE I know who this is. Um...what's up?"

"I was wondering if you'd like, I don't me outside around nine. I'll"

(I'm thinking in my head...what? Why would he need bodyguards?) "Uh...sure." (I'd never snuck out before. Should I? But it was so dark outside at nine! I pinched my arm and called myself a sissy.)

"Really? LeAnn said to call you so I uh..."

(LeAnn? She hated me!)

"...well I'll be outside at nine."

"You know where I live?"

"Yeah, you're over by my buddy."

"You're buddy?"

"Tom. It doesn't matter. Nine?"

(Tom...Tom the police chief's boy? The one who purposefully squeaked flatulence on his desk seat like some sort of musical instrument? He hated me too since I suggested a cork for his problem last month.)


He hung up the phone and I sat there thinking wow. This really didn't go the way I thought it would. I immediately rushed over to Theresa's house. We discussed every detail and then I remembered he'd said something about protection and mentioned it too.

Theresa's jaw dropped. "Do you know what he meant Maureen?"

"Well yeah, duh."

"Oh. Okay,"

Mom and dad were busy watching the television, the flickering lights making their shadows crawl up on the wall scaring me in mid-sneak. I froze and stood stock still, mentally shaking my fist at the wood floor which had just issued a squeak. I make it outside! Unbelievable! I must be better at this naughty stuff that I thought!

I see cool bangs and walk over in his direction making sure to sway the way I've seen the curvaceous girls do. (And just when would I finally fill my bra?)



He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I feel all high school about it and nuzzle in. Oh this is good. He's warm and he has a masculine scent. I take a deep breath trying not to be overly obvious about it.

He leans down...and KISSES me. Oh. My. GOSH. I'm in heaven. He pulls away and then reaches in his pocket with one hand and then grabs my hand with his other. He starts pulling me towards the bushes and I put the brakes on. "Where you going?"

He flashes the packet in front of my face and says something like, "You know."

It finally hit me. LeAnn's and Tom's idea of a joke. I punched him in the stomach. "I WASTED my first kiss on YOU?" I stomped his foot and went back in the house banging all the doors along the way. My mom and dad were shocked I'd been outside and asked me what I'd been doing out there.

I was so mad that 'Taking out the trash', was all I could manage.

You'll be happy to note that not many years after my stellar entrance onto the dating scene, I married a bald man. He's the sexiest thing alive in my book and as a bonus, he's a pretty good bodyguard too.

*Thank you, my friend, for sharing your smiles and talent! ~ Michelle


  1. Thank you so much for having me on here M.E.! I had so much fun! :D

  2. Really capture so much in the dialogue and the asides bring me right there...GREAT Fun :-)

  3. Wonderful, Maureen. I kind of think 'the first kiss' should be ranked right up there with 'learning the truth about Santa Claus'. Usually, such a disappointment, and a big milestone in that crossover from childhood to...the rest of it.

  4. Great post Maureen! I would love to forget my first kiss too. Blech. I feel cheated by the memory.

  5. Hugs to Justin, Kelly, and Erica! You guys rock!
    And yes...BIG disappointment. Where were the heavenly chorals and trumpets blaring?
    Well, I have my own ipod now, best to plan these things out I suppose. Maybe today's kids provide their own music tracks? Lol.