Gift Warped for Christmas

I’m warped and twisted. I know that. I come by it honestly though. My mom used my brother and I for her own personal amusement when we were kids. For Christmas, she'd buy us toys like rubber band guns, puff ball shooters, belly whoppers and socker boppers, making us gladiators in our own living room coliseum. Then she'd let us go at it, while she laughed her butt off, and so did we. We never got hurt (except for that one time my socker bopper deflated, and I took my brother out with a right cross, but that's another story), and we loved playing tricks on each other.

One morning, my mother and brother mounted a puff ball shooter sneak attack while I was still sleeping. The puff ball shooters were large, plastic straws loaded with a puff ball that you blew at your enemies. Fairly mild compared to our usual weapons. Of course, I had mine loaded and ready. In my dazed, sleepy state, I grabbed my shooter and blew for all I was worth, hoping to hit them as they made their cowardly retreat. What I didn't know, was that my brother had filled my shooter with toilet paper, effectively plugging it up. I blew so hard that, with no where else to go, the air actually came out of my tear ducts and dried out my eyes with the added bonus of popping my ears, which I didn't even know were plugged. They laughed hysterically. But revenge is sweet, and they had to sleep with one eye open for awhile.

I love those crazy memories. I'm glad my mom was twisted. Twisted moms are more fun. I hope to pass that spirit on to my children. In all of the holiday insanity, don't forget to have fun! Get some socker boppers! I guarantee you'll get more action than a gaming console.

May you and your family have the Merriest Christmas and a Happiest of New Years!